The stress of cycling...

I never imagined that this cycle would be so stressful. With 2 cycles behind me, I thought I've seen the worst. I never had trouble during the stimming phase even though things moved along slowly. After all this, I thought the nervousness and hair-pulling won't start until after the retrieval.

But IVF has thrown me a new kind of worry. Despite everything looking so great before the start of my cycle with the excellent AFC and cyst gone, I seemed to have developed a lead follicle. My old clinic didn't have me go in for monitoring until CD5, but this time, I am being monitored daily from CD4.

CD4
So at my first scan, I had one dominant follicle already at 14mm. (What 14? CD4?) Yup... Weird! The only other measurable follicle was at 10. However, I seem to have lots of little ones, a total of 14 little ones they tell me. My estrogen is at 1182, which means that something is growing... hopefully...

CD5
Lead follicle grew to 15! Ick! Two follicles beside that one: one at 10 and one at 9. The count of smaller follicles grew by 1 to 15. I have no idea of their size. I am starting to freak out. My estrogen is at 2226 today, which the nurse seemed to be happy with. She also reassured me that it does look like some follicles will be popping up soon. I will also be starting the antagonist, Cetrotide, quarter dose, tomorrow morning to prevent ovulation.


Comparing with my previous 2 cycles:
My previous first scans were on CD5. In the first cycle, I had 1 follicle at 9mm and that was it. The second cycle, I had nothing on CD5! Things didn't really start to come in until CD9! So technically, I'm seeing more follicles this cycle than I've ever seen before.

I don't know why I'm so bothered by this dominant follicle crap. I was never worried about the risk of cancelling in the first 2 cycles when things looked worst. Maybe it's just the stress of the cycle being the third one. Maybe I just want this too badly. I'm trying to act like I'd be ok with another cancellation or no transfer... but it's hard. I wish I can just turn off my brain for a week and be like a robot.

More bloodwork and ultrasound for the week to come...!